Friday, August 26, 2011

Goodbye My Sweet Daddy

This evening at around 7:00, my dad drew his final breath.  I knew on Wednesday afternoon when I left BG that he was taking a turn for the worse and we probably did not have much time left.  He had a terrible night last night and this morning my cousin called to tell me he thought I needed to come back to BG.  I got to daddy's around 3:00.  He was fairly alert, knew who I was, but was complaining about pain.  He had been throwing up quite a bit from the morphine and was refusing to take it.  Hospice came around 4:00 and decided that he needed to have a catheter inserted since he wansn't going to the bathroom  The insertion of the catheter was brutal for him and I wish in hindsight that we had refused to have them do it.  My cousin and I finally coaxed him to take some crushed up pain medication in a spoonful of pudding, which did ease him, although mostly he was agitated.  At around 6:30, I locked myself in the bathroom and proceeded to beg God to take him home.  Shortly afterwards, he quieted down and his breathing became more and more shallow.  Jan, Jim and I gathered round him, laid our hands on him and told him we loved him.  I told him to go on, we would miss him but would be fine.  He died quietly with those of us who loved him best at his side.  It was peaceful at that moment.

I am numb.  My cousin and I proceeded to drink way too much Grey Goose while we discussed funeral arrangements. I am sitting here in the bed listenig to my husband sleep and all I feel is just numbness.  I'm grateful that my dad's suffering is over, but devastated by his passing.   I know the next few days will be filled with a lot of activity, planning a funeral, friends coming by to visit, phone calls to make.  It is so surreal.  It is like I am in someone elses life.  I miss him already.  Goodbye my sweet daddy.  I love you so much.

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